I used to be the Queen of Snark. So when this came across my email, it stopped me cold; “I used to offer the world a constant stream of snarky comments. It’s a defence against intimacy and connection. It’s a sign of insecurity.” (Jennifer Hadley)
It was like the author was writing this for me and about me.
It was my life in her words — or rather my former life –, and it brought back memories of my traveled path.
I used to be the Queen of Snark because about 24 years ago I started on a journey of self-development. I learned that insecurity was a big factor in why I was snarky. I always felt I had to be right even when I knew I wasn’t because I felt that if I weren’t right, I would look stupid. Who knew that by ‘being right all the time,’ I actually did look like I didn’t know what I was talking about. I was often angry, and I wasn’t very pleasant to be around.
I always thought there was something wrong with me because I was uncomfortable around insecure people. I came to realize that I was insecure as well and eventually learned that it was belief systems belonging to other people, which I had which adopted, which were having this effect on me.
I was bullied as a teen, and I never reached out to anyone. I let my tears, anger, and grief slowly grow inside of me until I became ill. I was living a lie. Nobody knew how much pain I was in because I never told them.
Even though I quit going to church at a very young age, I never lost my faith in a higher power which is greater than myself. I believe that my faith helped me through those rough years, and kept me from walking down a dark path.
Until I was in my forties, I suffered every day of my life with nausea, headaches, pain in my body, excruciating menstrual cycles and migraines faithfully once a month that lasted for four days. It was an awful time, and I missed out on a lot of fun activities with my family because I was always living in fear of getting a headache or being hurt. So began a life of pain meds and a stomach that I believed was slowly dying from the medications.
Through self-development and changing my lifestyle which included diet, thoughts, and physical activity, I was able to get rid of my headaches; the aches and pains went away, and my cycle and my digestion got better.
Was it easy? Yes and no. It’s not always easy to look at yourself and realize that you are creating your world. It’s not easy to change those thoughts that you don’t even realize are creating that world. It’s not easy being really honest with yourself and exploring those beliefs. That was the hardest part. The easy part was getting better every day and having more positive, enlightened thoughts running through my head. How freeing it was to live in a world free from confusion, negativity and ill health. And is so to this day.
I believe I was born to be of service to people and guide them to the life they wish to live but aren’t sure how to achieve. I had to travel the journey first before I could guide others along their own path.
As a Success Coach and Holistic Practitioner, I often hear and see that people just don’t know how to change the thoughts which are creating their life — how to change or be free from the belief systems which don’t even belong to themselves. Once this is realized, they have the power to change, and they often do.
I know — because I’ve been there too — that when you are stuck in drama, it is often very difficult to see your way through to the other side.
I do still slip back into old patterns, but it is less and less every day, every year. Sometimes we can’t see the forest for the trees. When I do slip, I seek out my coach, my mentor or a friend who can help me see the forest through the trees.
We all need to ask for help. Remember, you are not the only one who is going through something. We ALL have a story. What’s yours? Is it time to rewrite it?